Social Etiquette
As part of our resource package, we hope to equip users with sufficient knowledge on Malay social etiquette so that they can observe proper decorum and protocol.
The Malay community puts great emphasis on a person’s etiquette (adab). A person whom does not exercise proper etiquette is calle a biadab. A person’s behavior is believed to reflect the upbringing and lessons taught by his parents and teachers. Lacking decorum not only reflects poorly on the individual but also his parents, relatives and teachers.
The Malay community puts great emphasis on a person’s etiquette (adab). A person whom does not exercise proper etiquette is calle a biadab. A person’s behavior is believed to reflect the upbringing and lessons taught by his parents and teachers. Lacking decorum not only reflects poorly on the individual but also his parents, relatives and teachers.
The Salam
Greetings:
• Malays greet each other with ‘Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh’, meaning “May the peace, the blessings and the mercy of Allah be upon you.” Often it is shortened to simply ‘Assalamu’ alaikum’. The proper reply to this is ‘Wa’ alaikumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh’. Meaning ‘And the same to you too and may Allah grant you His Blessings’. Often it is shortened to ‘Wa’alaikumussalam’.
• The Salam is also normally accompanied by a handshake
• The salam is also used when visiting a Muslim home. After the third Salam and if theres no reply, it is understood that nobody is in.
• The handshake is a palm-to-palm touch with the right hand or with both hands (never just the left), the palms are then brought to the heart as a gesture of sincerity.
• A handshake is only initiated only between individuals of the same gender. Out of modesty, a woman does not shake a man’s hand unless there is a direct family relationship between them, such as with a son, father, brother, husband or a religious teacher of extremely high standing.
• Sometimes, age takes precedence – a younger or lower stationed person may initiate the handshake. If one shakes hand with the elderly, or a person of high standing of the same gender, he or she would lower his or her head and kiss the person’s hand before bringing their palm to their chest.
• Malays greet each other with ‘Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh’, meaning “May the peace, the blessings and the mercy of Allah be upon you.” Often it is shortened to simply ‘Assalamu’ alaikum’. The proper reply to this is ‘Wa’ alaikumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh’. Meaning ‘And the same to you too and may Allah grant you His Blessings’. Often it is shortened to ‘Wa’alaikumussalam’.
• The Salam is also normally accompanied by a handshake
• The salam is also used when visiting a Muslim home. After the third Salam and if theres no reply, it is understood that nobody is in.
• The handshake is a palm-to-palm touch with the right hand or with both hands (never just the left), the palms are then brought to the heart as a gesture of sincerity.
• A handshake is only initiated only between individuals of the same gender. Out of modesty, a woman does not shake a man’s hand unless there is a direct family relationship between them, such as with a son, father, brother, husband or a religious teacher of extremely high standing.
• Sometimes, age takes precedence – a younger or lower stationed person may initiate the handshake. If one shakes hand with the elderly, or a person of high standing of the same gender, he or she would lower his or her head and kiss the person’s hand before bringing their palm to their chest.
Decorum:
• Footwear is never worn in a Malay home. Muslims conduct their daily prayers in the house, so it is kept as clean as possible. Many Malay homes are heavily carpeted.
• Malays who receive guests at home take pride in their position as hosts. They are delighted to serve their guests. However, if a guest feels that he or she can no longer consume any more food, it is polite to turn it down by tasting only a small morsel or by graciously declining it altogether.
• When seating on a floor, men should cross their legs and not stretch them out in front. Whereas for ladies, the proper way to sit on the floor is to do with both legs neatly tucked beneath their body, preferably on the right and hidden under the hem of their dress. The feet should not face anyone.
• At functions and gatherings, men and women generally sit separately as interaction between the two genders is not encouraged.
Decorum: (Extended):
• During mealtimes, it is polite to start with the dishes nearest to you before reaching for the dishes that are farther away.
• Enjoying the comfort of your seat with your legs crossed at the knees in the presence of the elderly is considered improper.
• When walking infront of the elderly, the body should be bent forward, with the right hand directed vertically to the ground and the left hand placed at the back. The head should be lowered. This posture is maintained until one has passed the elderly person.
• Being Muslims, Malays use the right hand to eat. Hands are washed thoroughly before and after the meal. The left hand is used to handle the serving spoons for the dishes. It is considered inelegant to get one’s entire hand dirty. Only tips of the fingers are used when eating.
• The appropriate way to point at something is to make a soft fist with the right hand and point with the thumb. The thumb is placed above the close hand. There is a superstition that pointing at a rainbow or a celestial body will cause your finger to drop off.
• When yawning, cover the mouth with the right hand. This indicates that the person has good manners.
• Footwear is never worn in a Malay home. Muslims conduct their daily prayers in the house, so it is kept as clean as possible. Many Malay homes are heavily carpeted.
• Malays who receive guests at home take pride in their position as hosts. They are delighted to serve their guests. However, if a guest feels that he or she can no longer consume any more food, it is polite to turn it down by tasting only a small morsel or by graciously declining it altogether.
• When seating on a floor, men should cross their legs and not stretch them out in front. Whereas for ladies, the proper way to sit on the floor is to do with both legs neatly tucked beneath their body, preferably on the right and hidden under the hem of their dress. The feet should not face anyone.
• At functions and gatherings, men and women generally sit separately as interaction between the two genders is not encouraged.
Decorum: (Extended):
• During mealtimes, it is polite to start with the dishes nearest to you before reaching for the dishes that are farther away.
• Enjoying the comfort of your seat with your legs crossed at the knees in the presence of the elderly is considered improper.
• When walking infront of the elderly, the body should be bent forward, with the right hand directed vertically to the ground and the left hand placed at the back. The head should be lowered. This posture is maintained until one has passed the elderly person.
• Being Muslims, Malays use the right hand to eat. Hands are washed thoroughly before and after the meal. The left hand is used to handle the serving spoons for the dishes. It is considered inelegant to get one’s entire hand dirty. Only tips of the fingers are used when eating.
• The appropriate way to point at something is to make a soft fist with the right hand and point with the thumb. The thumb is placed above the close hand. There is a superstition that pointing at a rainbow or a celestial body will cause your finger to drop off.
• When yawning, cover the mouth with the right hand. This indicates that the person has good manners.